League of Legends: A Jungle Minefield

by Marc-​​Alexandre Chan

Updated on 4 October 2010.

Oh dear. The first story I post to this website is fanfiction… I never would’ve expected that.

I’ve been playing a lot of League of Legends with the MyLifeIsNerdy community and decided to write this on a whim. This is the result: a mostly whimsical, yet slightly gory, tale of one Champion’s plot saving his team from utter annihilation. I assembled a team of the most annoying characters we’ve had to play against and pitted them against our team.

The characters and story are based on our personalities and experiences in-​​game. However, I did not intend for the characters’ personalities to be exactly that of the people involved; I moulded them to fit the Champion and the story’s events. For you MLINers reading, please don’t take offence at your Champion’s portrayal here. =P

If you haven’t played League of Legends, I added a few notes at the end so that you can follow the story.

Warning: Fantasy Violence and some Blood and Gore. PG-​​13 suggested.

Nidalee dove into a bush off the main path and transformed into human form. She knelt, peering out towards the battle.

Damn it!” she thought. “Not good!” All five of the opposing Champions were out in the lane fighting them, and they were beating her team to a pulp. Between the rat’s stealth and poison, their stuns, their insane burst damage, and Vladimir, well, being the pain in the ass he usually was, they were getting completely crushed out there. Nidalee only barely managed to make it out alive.

She tried to stand up, but as soon as she began moving, an excruciating pain tore through her chest and spread throughout her body. She collapsed to the ground, writhing.

I… hate… Vladimir’s haemoplague,” she groaned. The pain subsided quickly into a dull burning sensation, and soon she was able to struggle back to her feet. She began channelling a primal surge to heal her wounds, but that wouldn’t be enough — even at full strength, she couldn’t handle all of them, with their stunning spells and massive burst damage. As she was, she’d be killed before getting her claws on anyone. She had to head back to base.

Nidalee picked up her spear and began running through the woods. Just as she was about to exit the last bush by the river, she stopped abruptly — something was moving in the brush on the opposite shore. She cursed her rashness.

Wait… weren’t all the enemy champions fighting in the lane?

She readied her spear and watched the rustling grass. A small figure, barely reaching her thighs, was emerging from the bush. Was it Amumu? She hoped not. But— no, that didn’t seem right. The figure looked more like…

Teemo!” screeched Nidalee, leaping out of the bush. Her body’s weakness quickly caught up to her surprise, and she stumbled backwards, catching herself with her spear. Setting herself upright again, she yelled, “What the hell are you doing here? You should be helping us!”

I am,” Teemo replied. He dropped a mushroom in the middle of the shallow river, and waddled past Nidalee as she watched it disappear.

Teemo,” she hissed, the knuckles of her spear hand turning white, “this is not the time for planting mushrooms out in the jungle!”

It is,” he said, unfazed. He walked back out of the bush behind her and touched her on the knee — he couldn’t reach her shoulder, of course. “Heal yourself,” he said. “You’ll need it.”

Nidalee frowned at Teemo. What was the point of healing herself? She wouldn’t have the time to fully heal before her team got chopped to bits, and it wouldn’t cure her physical and mental exhaustion. She’d be a sitting duck, waiting to be preyed on — the “damsel in distress” role wasn’t very fitting for a ferocious feline.

Teemo waddled past her, placing another mushroom further downstream.

Teemo, you’re crazy!” Nidalee began following him as he headed away from the river and towards their base. “They’re never going to come here — ”

They will.”

 — and besides, you can’t just run away from a team fight to plant mushrooms — ”

I can. I should.”

 — in the middle of nowhere! You need to help in that kind of situation!”

And I am. Helping, that is.” He grabbed another mushroom and placed it near a tree. “Heal yourself and hide right here,” he said, pointing to the nearby brush. He handed her two phials of mana potion. “Be ready. Trust me.”

Nidalee sighed and shook her head. She hated how dismissive Teemo could be — whenever he hatched one of his little plans, he went right ahead without even considering the rest of the team or telling them, well, anything at all. Even for those involved, he’d just reluctantly reveal the role he has them playing in his plot, as if knowing the whole plan would ruin it. Yordles weren’t supposed to be secretive military types, were they?

She figured she might as well play along, at that point — they were already being pounded mercilessly into the ground, and if she died, at least her summoner could revive her. That was one of the perks of this particular war. And who knows — maybe this would work! She couldn’t deny that Teemo’s plans were pretty ingenious sometimes.

Nidalee dove into the bush, downing the potions like a parched alcoholic would a beer. She channelled the spirits to heal her again for as long as she could without spiritually exhausting herself. Peering out to the river, she saw Teemo running back towards the fight — or where it had been when she had fled, anyway. He stopped at a tree, very much far from the main lane, and started hopping frantically. Had he really been right? Were they all running here? He spun around and made a mad dash towards her, the magical mist at his feet hastening his waddling.

She peered into the distance, trying to recognize the figures that were running towards her. She hardly had time to see their faces before a cacophony of pops pierced through the air, followed by a gigantic cloud of green gas erupting from the ground. That many mushrooms must have devastated their opponents.

The three leading figures, who she recognized as her allies, outran the cloud of toxic gas.

Now!” yelled Teemo, diving into Nidalee’s bush. “Kitty time! Go, go!”

Not yet,” said Nidalee, readying her spear. As the poison smoke began clearing, she lobbed her spear at the first visible figure. Master Yi probably hadn’t even have time to realize he had a spear lodged in his chest before she had turned into her “kitty” form and pounced, mauling him and knocking the others off their feet as she landed. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Fiddlesticks — apparently her ally had decided this was a good time to turn back and help attack their opponents. He tripped and fell into a small patch of grass. The pop that rattled her brain, as well as the limbs flying out of the bush, told her that he’d fallen right onto one of Teemo’s mushrooms.


Amumu passed her, trying to escape from the battle. She clawed him and rammed him into a tree, crushing his bandage-​​covered body. Two down.

She looked around for her next target. Warwick was trying to shake off her allies by diving into a bush, pursued by Galio’s magical whirlwind. They’d take care of him. And if not, the mushroom in there would.

Then she saw Vladimir, stumbling away from her. Wide-​​eyed and clutching at his chest. Gasping for breath. This was Vladimir with fear struck into his heart, who was afraid for his life. And that sight brought her so much glee, she could’ve danced, even if the boys started staring at her and drooling. She sprinted towards him and pounced onto his back, driving him face-​​first into the dirt path.


The sight of Vladimir’s headless body spewing blood onto the dirt was sickening, yet Nidalee couldn’t help her but feel absolutely giddy. Vladimir! Dead! He had caused her so much pain this whole battle — heck, without her Summoner’s power, she’d probably be crippled for life, if not dead, because of Vladimir alone. But now he was dead! Dead, dead, dead! He’d be back up — he had a summoner, too — but by then, the battle would be—

Nidalee felt a sharp pain in her side and felt herself slam into the ground, her flesh repeatedly being struck and torn away from her body. She didn’t know what just happened. She couldn’t think anymore.

… Guardian Angel!” she heard someone yell.

Shit. Not good. Not good!

She clawed at her attacker’s face and got back to her feet as quickly as she could. She tried to run towards the nearest bush, but her side was in agony — Warwick’s lunge must have taken out at least three of her ribs.


Twitch suddenly appeared in front of her. She jumped aside to avoid his attack, and the searing pain that sliced through her body immediately made her regret it. Finally landing in a bush, she collapsed to the ground. There wasn’t any way out — she was dead.

Goddammit. Didn’t anyone notice that the giant, hairy rodent had gone missing?

A shot rang out through the forest.

Y’alright, lass?”

Aced ‘em!”


The pain in her side subsided.

Sorry,” said Teemo, standing beside her. “That’s all I’ve got for heals.”

Nidalee let herself return to human form and gingerly brought herself to her feet. She winced as an arrow of pain shot through her rib cage.

What happened?” asked Nidalee.

I got the rat,” said Gangplank, his pistol still smoking.

She looked over to the giant rodent’s carcass. In either life or death, it was a vile and disgusting creature. And she was almost done in by his stealth magic. Beyond him, Galio floated over Warwick’s charred body. In the end, that Guardian Angel armour didn’t do him much good.

All right, that’s everyone,” said Nidalee, sighing in relief. Never in a hundred years had she thought they’d get out of that fight alive, let alone end up acing the other team and gaining the upper hand. “Time?”

Galio floated over to her. “Those summoners ain’t gettin’ any of them back up for at least an hour.”

Good,” replied Nidalee. “Fiddles is dead — ”

No, ‘e ain’t!” said Gangplank, waving Fiddlestick’s arm around. “‘E’s just pinin’ for the fjords!”

Nidalee stopped dead, and slapped her hand against her forehead. “Fiddles has passed on! He’s ceased to be! He’s expired and gone to meet his maker! He’s an ex-​​Fiddlesticks! He’s not bloody pining! Seriously, Gangplank…” She sighed and continued, “Anyway, even if he’s gone, we should be still be able to finish this before any of them revive.”

Push south,” said Teemo. “The inhibitor turret’s on the verge of crumbling.”

Cool beans. Let’s go!”

Thar be the treasure!”

Let’s take ‘em down!”

Nidalee watched the three of them begin to head south through the forest.

Teemo,” she said.

Yes, Nidalee?” replied the scout, stopping and turning back.

I’m sorry for doubting you earlier,” said Nidalee. “That was brilliant.”

It’s fine,” he said. “I’m not the best tactician, after all. But don’t be so dismissive, next time.”

What? She was dismissive?

By the time she had recovered enough to respond, Teemo had already disappeared into the woods.

Story Context

If you haven’t played League of Legends, here’s a few quick descriptions you need to understand the story. The 5 vs. 5 map consists of the two teams’ bases, at each corner, with three lanes (paths) between them. Each lane is lined with defensive turrets for both teams, and between the lanes, there is a jungle area with brush that characters can hide in. Each player controls a single Champion; in the later stages of the game, the Champions often engage in fights against the entire opposing team, called a “team fight”.

Specifically to this story, note that Nidalee is capable of transforming into a cougar. Teemo has invisible mushroom traps that explode on being touched by an enemy character, causing damage and spreading a poison cloud that affects nearby enemies. (There’s no friendly fire in the game, though I assumed it in the story for the sake of realism and an inside joke.) Twitch is a giant rat capable of becoming invisible. Vladimir is a vampire with a disease attack, haemoplague, that causes damage several seconds after being hit. Warwick is a giant werewolf.


Fanfiction — Video Games — League of Legends
PG-​​13: Blood and Gore, Fantasy Violence
Word count
© 2010 Marc-​​Alexandre Chan. League of Legends, its characters and related indicia are copyright Riot Games, Inc. No claim of ownership of League of Legends, its characters or related indicia are claimed by the author of this text. The author claims fair use for League of Legends property, given the rationale that: 1) No profit is being made from this work; and 2) this work in no way interferes with Riot Games, Inc.‘s ability to market, sell and profit from the original media.
Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 3.0 Unported License
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